Because I'm Pretty

Yesterday I was walking back from my recess duty with one of my favourite students.  Strolling hand-in-hand, she asked me about her parents' homework.  (We sent home goal-setting sheets for the parents to reflect on their academic and social goals for their children in preparation for conferences next week.)  I explained that yes, we had homework for all the parents to talk to us about their children so that we could be better teachers for them.
"Don't worry," I told her, "your mom said lots of nice things about you!"  Which is true!
"Of course she did!" OL exclaimed.  "And do you know why?"
"Why's that?" I asked her.
"Because I'm pretty!"
"No it isn't!"  I blurted out in response.  "You are so much more than pretty," I tried to explain to her.  "You are smart and loving and many other valuable things.  Those are the kinds of things your mom wanted to tell us."
OL is a lovely little girl, but she is also bright, funny, kind, hard-working, a loyal friend, a voracious reader, a strong student, and a really wonderful child all around.  The fact that she, at the tender age of nine, sees so much of her value in her appearance...that broke my heart.
I had another interesting student interaction involving appearance earlier this week.  I subbed in grade 4 for the morning while the teachers and interns had a planning meeting, so I circulated and supervised their morning tasks.
"What do you do here?" one girl asked me.
"I'm an intern in grade 3." I explained.
"Like Ms. K?" another girl asked me.  (Ms. K is one of the grade 4 interns.)
"Yup!" I replied.  "I really like Ms. K, she's so nice.  Do you like her?"
"Yeah," the first girl responded, "she's pretty.  So are you."
Of course, everyone likes the self-esteem boost of someone telling you that you're pretty, but I want to be more than "pretty" to my students.  I want to inspire them, push them, challenge them.  I want them to view me as intellectual, hard-working, passionate, and strong!
This article circulated some time ago, and it's something I reflect on often.  As I speak to young girls, especially my students, I always try to refrain from telling them that they are pretty, or cute, or complimenting their outfits.  I love reading with them, suggesting books that I loved at that age, talking about their ideas and their aspirations.  I want to show them that I value their minds and unique thoughts and perceptions of the world.
The level of internalized sexism in the world outside of my women's college haven shocks me every time.  At least once a day, some offhand comment will make me silently seethe.  I'm still reeling over hearing that in middle school intramural soccer, "having girls on your team can make a big difference in that every goal in soccer made by a girl counts for 2 points!"  But so much of it is that people don't realize it's offensive.  Sometimes, such as in that last comment, they may even think it's a positive thing.  This is why I think it's important to call people out on it, speak my mind, explain why that comment makes me uncomfortable.  It makes me sad when people tell me that's being "too PC," when I think it's a crucial step toward creating a culture that I want to live in.  I am striving toward always assuming a positive intent, and one of my personal goals is to be more gentle as I bring up these topics and have these conversations.  I have a lot of strong feelings which I've realized can make me seem aggressive, and that's not what dialogue is about.
As I have made abundantly clear on this blog, I am staunchly feminist (sorry-not-sorry for the rant).  What I wonder now is how to use my knowledge and beliefs to bring about positive change.  How can I help OL see herself as more than just a pretty girl?  How can I teach young girls to value others on their ideas instead of their looks?  What can I do to help my fellow educators improve the way they interact with their students and peers?  The conversations I had with OL and the grade 4 girls led to one of my professional goals for this year:  to teach both implicitly and explicitly about sexism, racism, heterosexism, and so on in the classroom.  I hope to open my students' minds and hearts to what is different and unfamiliar, and begin to equip them to dialogue with those who think differently and learn new things.  Ideas and suggestions for teaching social justice to kids are totally appreciated :)

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Currently reading:  SO MANY BOOKS.  Right now I'm digging The Perfect Summer, written by Juliet Nicolson and recommended by Weave :)
Current high:  just completed my first 5k!  Next up, Songdo Marathon 5k in October.
Current low:  seeing and experiencing sexism always makes me miss MoHo.